1Aug/0914
Stockholm: Year One
This weekend makes one year since I moved to Stockholm.
But it's crazy to think how my life has panned out in the last 13 years since I graduated from high school.
I went to college for four and a half years in rural Pennsylvania during which I lived with alcoholics. I studied abroad for six months in cosmopolitan Paris during which I lived with a French family. I did an eight month internship with big pharma in central New Jersey.
I lived in suburban Connecticut working in the financial industry in my first year after of college. I lived in conservative Kansas City working in reinsurance (don't make me explain it) the following two years. I lived in liberal San Francisco for almost five years focused on the tech industry.
And now I've been in Europe working with video games for a full year.
I consider myself well-informed; not because I read a lot or watched documentaries on TV or the news, but rather because I've lived a lot. I've done a lot. I've experienced more these past ten years than most people have in a lifetime. I'm only 31.
My opinions aren't based on hearsay, they're based on personal experiences. I've lived in just about every kind of culture, in every type of environment in the modern, developed western world.
Strong, core, family values to progressive ideals. Corporate libertarianism to social liberalism. Fast food to slow food. White collar to blue collar. Pabst Blue Ribbon to Sierra Nevada. 1664 to Nils Oscar.
If anyone were to ask me how I thought I was living my life and if I'm proud of the way I've lived it, my response would be simple: I'm living my life the way it was intended to be lived. I take risks. I learn from my mistakes. I become motivated by my successes. I learn from others. I evolve my mind. I become enlightened.
On Leaving San Francisco
My reasons for leaving San Francisco were personal.
I loved the city. I loved the desire for perfection; the desire to make the world a better place. I loved the location (there's no place as beautiful as Northern California or Bay Area in perhaps the entire US). I loved the passion of a tech industry that drove people to innovate and pursue their ideas.
I was tired of the people. I was burnt out. I was tired of the pretentious, entitled, "get rich quick" MBA types who kept thinking they were owed something for being so "awesome". I was tired of the overcompetitive, Type-A workaholics in search of personal glory in a tech industry where 1 out of 100 companies survived. I was tired of the evergrowing gap between the rich and the poor. I was tired of the "out-of-touch-with-reality" idealist liberalism that plagued a city into stagnation because too many wealthy, entitled white people thought that opening their wallets at $1,000 gala fundraisers was all it took to solve the city's social problems. I was tired of a place that claimed it was progressive and open-minded but shunned differences of opinion almost worse than other, more conservative parts of the country I'd lived in.
In my last 6-8 months in SF, I became reclusive. I stopped talking to people. I holed myself up in my apartment, distancing myself from most people that I knew. I was done and I had to get out.
On Arriving in Stockholm
The day I arrived in Stockholm (August 2nd, 2008), it was pouring. It didn't stop for four weeks. Welcome to Stockholm.
It was also the day of the Gay Pride Parade here, and the taxi which couldn't get through the roadblocks dropped me off in the pouring rain thus meaning I had to walk a few blocks in said rain, through drag queens and leather-clad men with bullwhips. After having lived in San Francisco for four years, none of this really surprised me, though admittedly it was a bit surreal to experience this in Stockholm after having left San Francisco just a few weeks earlier.
This was it. I was excited. I was finally doing what I'd set out to do: living abroad, seeing the world, creating new experiences and opportunities for myself.
On Making Friends in Stockholm
Each time I've moved to a new place, I've done it with an immense amount of energy. That energy is heartwarming, particularly with natives or established locals who don't know or forget what it's like to be a stranger in a new place. So I made friends really fast. They appreciate the energy that a newcomer has, as if they yearn to relive it themselves. So, I had my expat non-work friends, my expat work friends, my Swedish work friends, my Swedish non-work friends. Initially, I made friends with a lot of people, did a lot of social things, and in the end I came down to a core group of people that I see regularly.
Instantly, I became an object of mockery of all my friends. "Rommy-isms" have become widely-used among them. They include, but are not limited to:
- Come on!
- You serious?
- You gotta be kidding me!
- Unbelievable!
- You are the WORST. FRIEND. EVER.
- Ok. Ok. Enough.
- Dude.
- You guys ready? Ready? You ready?
It's also not unusual to hear someone yell at me to do the worm in the middle of a bar or at a party. Though I'll rarely do this stuff anymore.
On Swedes
Since I've been here, I've all too often heard the term "cold" associated with Swedes. On this point, I couldn't disagree more.
Many Swedes will find it tough to open up right away, particularly to strangers. They won't go out of their way to meet you, and furthermore, they won't invite you into their lives until you've provided them a reason to. But in my experience, when they do, they can be remarkably warm, conversational, and welcoming. They become loyal friends and they expect a certain level of loyalty back.
When I discussed this with an American friend last night, she said she'd missed the openness of Americans, the ability to become an acquaintance with just about anyone you saw. And I agreed. Then again, my counter was, if I were to meet 100 people and I remain close friends with 5, how different is that than meeting 10 people and remaining close friends with 5. There's no doubt a frustration associated with each extreme. It can be this same Swedish reservedness that makes dating remarkably difficult. In Sweden, you can be sure that you won't meet many people, but you can be sure that if a Swede is willing to let you in, then you've gotten pretty far along in the spectrum of a friendship.
On Learning and Speaking Swedish
Personally, this has been a source of frustration. I've taken the time to learn the language and speak it, but over time, the more I learn academically, the less confident I've gotten in speaking it. The gap between the academic and common, spoken language is big, not because they're structurally different, but rather because the common language is spoken extremely fast and blends together.
I want to be inundated with the language. I watch Swedish television and I read Swedish papers, but unless you use it in everyday common speak, it becomes very tough to learn. And when I speak it with Swedes, they'll often switch to English because it's comfortable for all involved.
I have no doubt that in a few years, I will become proficient, but the ramp up time has been slower than expected.
On Winter in Stockholm
I really enjoyed winter here. In fact I already have a whole post on it
worth reading that summarizes it, Winter in Stockholm.
worth reading that summarizes it, Winter in Stockholm.
On Summer in Stockholm
You've never seen a city change so much between winter and summer. Because I'd arrived in August last year, I missed summer (apparently August is more autumn than summer).
Like bears waking up from eight months of hibernation, the Swedes during the first warm weather day can be pretty hilarious. Everybody wanders the streets as if emerging from a bomb shelter after a nuclear attack. People are somewhat sluggish and unaware, walking slowly, looking up in an almost confused manner, shielding their eyes from the blinding sun, wondering if they survived the attack of a Stockholm winter.
Though I spent half of June away from Stockholm, the second half of June was delightful. It was hot, and no one was inside.
Most Swedish guys will smile when I go on about how amazing summer is. The first thing they'll say is "Yeah...and you're probably wondering where all the women came from." They're absolutely right.
On Food
I appreciate Swedish cuisine. No really, I do.
I mean, everything is relative. I appreciate how different it is. I appreciate that they have a culinary pride and tradition. I love that their food is prepared in accordance with a historical necessity and availability of ingredients. From herring to salmon, potatoes to meatballs, Wasa crackers to lingonberries, food exists as a product of the environmental surroundings and the history of Swedish culinary tradition. Like it or not, it's admirable.
That said, I really would like to see the Slow Food movement takeoff in Sweden. There are signs that it is starting to, but with industrialization, there has generally been a serious lack of locally-inspired, fresh cuisine relative to the rest of Europe. The processed and packaged food industry has gained a foothold here and the common sentiment is that the Swedish environment doesn't allow for variety. But variety isn't in the ingredients, it's in the way these ingredients are prepared, and that is completely in control of the individual. So the only thing I can do is to personally take it upon myself to be sure that I can buy locally and live sustainably, I just hope that the Swedes take advantage of this as well and create a market for local, fresh ingredients.
Then there's the Thai food. Swedish men vacation in Thailand, bring home a Thai wife, and thus we have amazing Thai food. Thus, I can likewise only be thankful for globalization and international relations.
On Traveling
Since I arrived, I've taken trips to France (New Year's), Denmark (holiday with sis), Norway (holiday with B&K), Italy (holiday with B&K), and Germany (with work). I've also taken trips to Philadelphia (Anthony's wedding), New York (Thanksgiving), and Park City (Sundance Film Festival).
I definitely can't say I haven't taken advantage of my central location here in Sweden. No destination in western Europe is more than three hours away, which makes for amazing opportunities.
Though disappointingly, I really haven't gone outside of my immediate surroundings (save for some required trips back to the US). There's a whole portion of eastern Europe and western Asia where I will need to take trips to in 2010.
On What's Next
A few days ago, I was lucky to find a 50 EUR roundtrip flight from Stockholm to Hyeres (where my parents have their summer home). So it'll be one final week in the sun at the end of August before I brace for my second cold, dark winter in Stockholm.
I have three weddings this fall, two of which are in the States and all three of which will get my parents wondering if I'll ever get married.
But perhaps the greatest adventure will be the epic journey to India this January (see Rickshaw Run 2010). More details to follow, but you should definitely expect to get emails as we begin our fundraising efforts and do our damnedest to keep you entertained. 
On Rommy
I've grown up. A lot. I mean, that sounds stupid. Of course I've grown up. I'm a year older.
When people ask me what my biggest fear/phobia is, the answer is simple. I never want to look back on my life only to realize I was waiting for something to happen. I want to say that I took full advantage of my opportunities, that I learned from them, that I accomplished everything I set out to accomplish, and that I had a really great fucking time every waking moment. Well, I've had a great year.
It's a personal journey and it never ends.
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Göran
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Göran
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Michael Fury
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Michael Fury
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rommy
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rommy
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CH
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CH
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rommy
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rommy
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julia
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julia
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suki
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suki
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