free rommy New York → Kansas City → San Francisco → Stockholm → Berlin

14May/102

The Road Trip – An American Thing

I woke up this morning with a strong desire to take a road trip. Then it occurred to me that I haven't taken a road trip in two years (except for that small one I took in January). Then it further occurred to me that in general, Europeans don't take road trips!

Living in northern California, road trips were a very regular way of getting away from the hustle and bustle of San Francisco city life and the techwelming Silicon Valley. They were a way of letting off some steam. Road trips were big there because many people had cars, at least those of us living in SF and working in Silicon Valley.

Very few months went by when we didn't take road trips. We'd often take short day trips to Napa and Sonoma. Then there were the longer ones to Tahoe, Big Sur, Santa Barbara, and the national parks. Perhaps what made it so easy to road trip in San Francisco, was the relative proximity of so many amazing places. Summers in northern CA were an opportunity to throw the top down on the car, escape the bonechilling fog of San Francisco and hit the road for a little good old American frontier exploration.

Heck even Kansas City saw its share of road trips to St. Louis, Memphis, the Ozarks, Nebraska, etc.

I don't miss my car here. In fact, I don't want to ever drive again if I can avoid it. I'd gotten so used to my car as a utilitarian vehicle for transport, that I began to resent it.

Europe is a mass transit culture, inter and intracity. I know very few friends with cars here, and they rarely use them for recreational purposes. Most people I know here would avoid driving if they could and they often do. Most friends I had in California couldn't comprehend life without a car or vehicle of some sort. It was a mental and financial burden that I was glad to shed when I came here.

But there are those moments when you just wish you had a car to hit the road and to escape from reality for a bit. I think I need to get some friends together for a European road trip this summer.

6Nov/092

The $100 million global impact of Kiva.org

I received an email from Kiva.org this morning and was completely floored by what I read.

Kiva.org has enabled $100 million in loans between individuals all around the world.

Kiva.org, for those of you who haven't heard me preach about it before here, is a microfinancing non-profit wherein people like you and me, have an opportunity to loan money directly to individuals in developing countries, looking to get on their own two feet, to support their families, and to make a living for themselves in countries where they would otherwise get no support or aid. More importantly, they pay their loan back over a predetermined period, assuming they are able to.

Some other impressive stats (from their email):

  • Kiva is 49 months old.
  • 98% repayment rate
  • 250K entrepreneurs funded
  • 587K lenders (Kiva users)
  • 185 countries represented
  • Average total amount loaned per Kiva lender $172 (including reloaned funds)!

These are some amazing statistics, made more amazing by the fact that Kiva has essentially created it's own massive economy of those with the means lending to those without, and those without paying back.

It's really a gratifying experience and it's extremely simple. As you get paid back, you can then re-loan to another individual.

My personal stats:

  • 19 loans totaling $475 lent.
  • 19 individuals: 58% female, 42%.
  • Countries include: Tajikistan, Uganda, Togo, Cambodia, Palestine, Philippines, Nigeria, Ecuador, Benin, Peru, Kenya, Nicaragua, Azerbaijan, Afghanistan, and Viet Nam.
  • Sectors include: food, retail, agriculture, services, housing, clothing, and health

Check out my lender page: http://kiva.org/lender/rommy

I highly encourage anyone with the means to get started. You'll find that it's highly addictive and a great way to invest your disposable income in helping enable and empower others.

27Oct/094

Growth of the Soil (Knut Hamsun, 1917)

For me, reading is an unhealthy obsession. I've read close to 20 books so far this year and I may finish with close to 30. I'm so addicted, that I even began setting literary goals for myself, thus categorizing me as a huge nerd.

For example, one of my missions is to read every single thing John Steinbeck has ever written (I'm close to ten so far, I think).

One of my other nerdy goals is to read one work by every literature Nobel Prize winner ever. I'm doing pretty well, having read books by about 15 different winners and being disappointed only once. These Swedes really know their great literature.

It can be a great thrill to find a fantastic book by an author who has fallen somewhat into obscurity throughout the world. Ask any Norwegian or Swede who Knut Hamsun is, and without a doubt they'll know. But I can't say I have many friends outside of Scandinavia, if any, who would know who he is. Knut Hamsun (you do pronounce the 'k') won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1920.

I was lucky enough to have my Norwegian friend Aleks recommend Hamsun's Growth of the Soil to me. Wanting to achieve my literature goal and at the same time get more into Scandinavian writing, Hamsun appeared to me to be perfect choice.

But the fact is, Norwegian sentiment towards Hamsun is confused. Hamsun was an outspoken Nazi sympathizer. Actually, he was a "vehement advocate" of Nazi Germany, having mailed his Nobel medal to Joseph Goebbels in 1943 and later having visited Hitler, and furthermore having eulogized him after his death as "a warrior, a warrior for mankind, and a prophet of the gospel of justice for all nations." (Source: Wikipedia)

So whereas Norwegians are very proud of Hamsun's accomplishments as an author, they have a much tougher time coming to terms with his very radical political ideology during one of Europe's darkest periods.

Needless to say, this would never stop me from reading a great book.

Following WWI, the West was going through a period of rapid industrialization and economic development. The middle class was seeing their hard work get swallowed up by a speculative and increasingly credit-laden, power-hungry upper class further empowered by laissez-faire economics. The gap between the rich and poor was widening and the mass was getting restless and desperate. Sounds familiar.

NOR36Growth of the Soil was simple in words and profound in scope. It was both foretelling and a scathing commentary on the state of the world at the time. It starts off telling the story of a simple man Isak walking through the Norwegian wilderness near the Swedish border looking for a place to settle and begin a life for himself. He picks a spot and begins to survive off the fruit of his labor. His hard work is dignified (and his only means of survival), his intentions are pure, and his simple modesty is his greatest trait. And thus is his success imminent.

However, as to be expected, the chaos of the self-righteous man intrudes, always seeking the easy way out, and looking to capitalize off the hard work of others. The book follows Isak and his family as they persist in the wild, fending off the educated industrialist, favoring hard work and personal dignity over easily sought out wealth (and more often as Hamsun explains, debt). It never proves easy, and not all of Isak's family is able to stay true to his ways, falling victim to the lure of high society, education, and industrialization. How does it end? Well I'll let you read it.

Hamsun is not all together off base with his belief that man is constantly trying to seek the quickest means to wealth. Rather, he preaches that man's greatest source of persistent wealth and personal sustainability is in his hard work and clarity of purpose.

This book blew me away. It's beautifully written and very direct in its message. His ideals at times seem very early-American/pro-libertarian and his complete loathing for bureaucratic, self-righteous, mooching, fast-tracking capitalists resonates with me. Don't get me wrong, Growth of the Soil is not anti-capitalist, but rather speaks out against those who seek to 'capitalize' purely off the hard work of others.

Really a fantastic read for anyone looking to pick up a good book by a good, though controversial writer.

PS - as a newly inducted Amazon affiliate, I get a cut if you buy it through the above link. :) I'm a capitalist pig, I know.

22Aug/092

Just say you're from New York

When talking to new people, whether its friends of friends or just meeting a random tjej (Swedish for lady/woman) at a bar, there's always one thing I can talk about that is sure to keep the conversation interesting.

New York.

I used to say I was from San Francisco, which never really worked out so well when trying to meet women. The common misconception among the rest of the world is that all men who are from or have lived in San Francisco are gay.

Random: Where are you from?
Rommy: San Francisco
Random: Oh...yes...I...um...hear it's really beautiful there.
Rommy: I'm not gay. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with it...um...I'm actually from New York. Well that's where I was born and raised...so well I guess I'm from New York.
*awkward pause*
Rommy: Sooo...I'm going to go now and probably jump into oncoming traffic.

And the truth is, San Francisco is a bit too obscure and abstract for Swedes. It's a cool place, it's really liberal, and it is indeed beautiful...

...but it's not New York.

Random: Where are you from?
Rommy: New York
Random: OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE NEW YORK! IT'S THE COOLEST PLACE EVER! ARE YOU REALLY FROM THERE?
Rommy: Yes! From just outside the city. Have you been?
Random: Well...no...but I really want to go! So what's it like...
(and the conversation continues until we're both way too drunk to even remember where New York is)

Then there are those who have been there and they tend to be the more interesting people to talk to. I tend to feel like these Swedes have an immense appreciation for the grandeur of Manhattan. The size, the energy, the personality, the attitude. It's one of those places that could arguably be considered the opposite of a city like Stockholm; a city which by its very nature is small, laidback, and subdued.

It probably goes back to the Swedish lagom way of life. If there is anything that New York isn't it's lagom. The people yelling, the cars honking, the general feeling of rage, the loud restaurants, the pollution, the mad work ethic, the horrible traffic; in general, just the extremes by which New Yorkers live their life is a fascination for the Swedes, because although I'm pretty sure none of them really want to live a life like that, it's about as foreign to their culture as lagom is to New Yorkers. I think Swedes are the only people who, when they go on vacation want to introduce a significant dosage of stress in their life to counteract the "lagomic" nature of their lifestyles.

3Aug/094

Lagom

I can't believe I've been here a year and I haven't written about "lagom".

From Wikipedia:
The Lexin Swedish-English dictionary defines lagom as "enough, sufficient, adequate, just right". Lagom is also widely translated as "in moderation", "in balance", "optimal", "suitable", and "average". But whereas words like "sufficient" and "average" suggest some degree of abstinence, scarcity, or failure, lagom carries the connotation of perfection or appropriateness. The archetypical Swedish proverb "Lagom är bäst", literally "Lagom is best", is translated as "Enough is as good as a feast" in the Lexin dictionary.

I speak and live in superlatives. I live my life in the extremes. Everything is the best thing ever or the worst thing ever. You're UNbelievable or you HAVE to be kidding me. I LOVE everything or I HATE something. This SUCKS or that's AWESOME! It's the New Yorker in me that I was never able to shake. When my friends pointed it out, I thought they were out of their goddamn minds. Then when I went home to New York and heard my friends speak like that, it all of a sudden became so clear to me.

Swedes don't live in extremes. They live within a middle spectrum. Nobody's too rich, nobody's too poor. You don't love anything, you don't hate anything. You're not too happy, you're not too sad. Everything is just right. And to live in an extreme is to be unbalanced, unhealthy. It's a smart philosophy.

When I started to learn Swedish, I often used the verb älska (to love) when referring to things that I loved. Everyone laughed at me and said that Swedes didn't use it unless they really loved something, whereas I only used it when I marginally liked something. They were right.

Nobody here is overly expressive or emotional. They're calm, composed, and relaxed. I'm fiery, disheveled, and stressed out.

That satisfied, "good enough but not too much" way of life is lagom. The word itself has no english equivalent.

So why did I all of a sudden remember I needed to touch upon lagom in this blog?

I watched highlights of the FINA World Championships (swimming) on Eurosport and I don't know what was in these commentators' Fruit Loops, but it was definitely NOT lagom. And it's not often that you hear or see Swedes that aren't lagom.

Michael Phelps broke like 17 world records and flexed his goofy, oversized American meatheadedness over and over again and these commentators went absolutely apeshit.

OYOYOY!!! MICHAEL PHELPS!!! OYOYOY!!!

I've haven't heard such rabid enthusiasm since I moved here. This went on during an entire half-hour highlight show.

And now I'm watching Arm Wars (arm wrestling) which is arguably the most insane, televised sport ever, featuring overgrown meatheads giving each other hernias...

...and the commentators?

Totally lagom.

16May/092

Hey Lao Tzu, I’m modifying your proverb.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Empower a man to teach himself to fish, and you've set him free.

If you don't know what I mean, go to kiva.org and do something far more worthwhile for humanity.

Sincerely,
Kiva's #1 Fanboy www.kiva.org/lender/rommy
Filed under: online, philosophy 2 Comments
16Mar/095

Quality + Balance = Sustainable Happiness

I hope there's one thing we're all learning from this deep global recession; a renewed focus on quality of life over quantity of life; a holistic view at life rather than a scientific approach towards it.

When things are going well, we as humans, tend to overindulge in our fat, wealthy existence. We become greedy, we become illogical, we become stupid. We become blind to things that matter, and rather become power-hungry egomaniacs grabbing ahold of anything that will make us wealthier, fatter, and lazier. We lose sight of why we're doing it and we don't care, we just do it more because we need to feed our bottomless pit of egomanical glory and material happiness.
Worst of all, we lose sight of ourselves.
We become less aware of our passions, our motivations, our reasons for existence. We try to feed our spirit with material things. We think we're happy, but we've never been more lost. We know nothing about ourselves.
Humans lack self-control. I'm not sure this was always the case. I truly believe we've forgotten how to live. Furthermore we've forgotten how to take a holistic, balanced approach to living. We live in extremes. We take a scientific approach to everything we do. Carbs make you fat, stop eating carbs. Red meat causes cancer, stop eating red meat. Working hard makes us richer, work harder.
We've gone from looking at the whole as a sum of its parts and instead have decided that by overexploiting any one part, we can actually alter the equation to sway in our favor. What we can't seem to understand is that by overexploiting and overindulging in that one part, we've tipped the balance and thus underexploited the others. When we figure that out, we attempt to reverse it by tipping the balance to the opposite extreme.
Quality + Balance = Sustainable Happiness
We're screwed. We've actually convinced ourselves that 'capitalism' works.
Back in the 40s and 50s, we actually convinced ourselves that if we work hard and do nothing but work that we can make so much money that we don't have to work hard anymore. And it worked.
Then came the 80s and 90s when some really 'smart' MBAs decided to let the middle class work really really hard, while they came up with some magical, efficient scientific way whereby we can all work a lot less and make way more money.
We actually idealogically convinced ourselves that the inputs to the system could be less and the outputs could be abundant wealth for all mankind.
We seem to have forgotten that 1+1=2, not 1,000,000,000,000.
So here we are, we had everything. And everything was a magical dreamland of nice cars and big houses and overpaying jobs and free credit. And in a six-month period, Cinderella's beautiful coach turned into a pumpkin. Poof.
I'm so happy that humanity's overindulgence took a swift kick to the crotch. Sadly my cynical view of human beings is such that I'm positive we have learned nothing. We are as ignorant now as we ever have been.
Why do I write this?
I can't have this conversation with many people because I don't think, actually, I know they don't understand me...
I have my own philosophy on how I live my life. But I don't just preach it, I legitimately live it. And I do it better than nearly anyone I know (with a few exceptions).
When I hear about friends that go on diets and read self-improvement books and have to have a new car and have to drive to work and can't live without reality television and have to go to the gym 12 hours per day and have to shop at CostCo and can only buy the expensive things and are shopaholics and need plastic surgery and...this, this is going to solve all their problems.
It makes me sick. Is this the kind of society we've created? We let our lives devolve to the point of desperation, then we try to fix our problems with money.
...when we could have lived a balance life and prevented our problems from happening in the first place?
I go to the gym for an hour everyday. I read one book every two weeks. I go out on photowalks with my camera every Sunday. I take a class every once in a while. I learn a new language. I cook and I use local, sustainable ingredients because I love it and it tastes great, even though it's more expensive. I eat out at a nice restaurant every few weeks. I watch an old movie that I've never seen before. I spend time alone. I blog. I use Facebook to keep in touch with friends. I talk to myself. I go to a cafe. I peoplewatch. I go out drinking with my friends. I sleep with women. I listen to jazz. I'll smoke a cigarette once in a while to relax. I take a small trip. I live in a different country. I meet new people.
I learn new things. I learn new things. I learn new things.
I live a balanced lifestyle, indulge in a high quality of living, and in the process I learn more about myself and thus I am happy.
3Mar/095

The Now

I never considered myself capable of living in one place.  I'm a wanderer.  I like to keep myself inspired. I have this unquenchable thirst for seeking new adventures, for learning new things. When I feel like I'm not learning, when I become comfortable, I become anxious, restless, and I escape into myself.  When I find the fire in me growing cold, I pack up my things and I move on.
Since 2000, I've lived in Connecticut, Kansas/Missouri, San Francisco, and now Stockholm. I don't know anyone that's moved that much between age 22 and 30. I've covered 13,000 miles of the globe.
On each of my adventures in each of the different places, I've made friends. When I meet them, I swear that I have a new friend for life, that we'll aggressively keep in touch, that we'll be friends for eternity because that's what friendship is about.
Like clockwork, six months after leaving a place, I find the friendships fading. As we get older, we lose the patience to be focused on our physically distant relationships. We become preoccupied with other things.
It's not a bad thing. It's just a thing.
The human capacity for friendship is sustained through the physical proximity of those friends and the deep-rooted desire to remain friends.  When one of these starts to wane, so does the bond. It's just the way of things. It's not sad, it just...is.
I am a detached person.
As I get older, I find that my attachment to people, places, and things isn't emotional, isn't one of nostalgia. I never understood the preoccupation with nostalgia, with holding on to the past. I am indifferent towards the past. I put no effort in clinging to it because it does me no good. It's a vain and fruitless waste of time.
Often times most people can't leave places because they're afraid.  They're afraid of change. They're afraid of growing old.  They feel that any diversion from the path they set for themselves is a distraction. It's chaotic. It's not right. Thus the fear of the future and the preoccupation with spending the present trying to plan it.
Fear of the past, fear of the future, bound by both, is no way for a person to live their life, yet almost every single person I know does this. Time isn't finite, yet everyone I know sets the course of their life and the decisions they make to a predetermined path they've set for themselves.
As I get older, I'm finding fewer and fewer like me. I look around at my friends I see them waiting for something and I have no idea what that is. I struggle to understand how I can spend the one single life I'm given clinging to the past or waiting for the future.
Maybe I'm not detached. Maybe the thing that I so desperately cling to is the now.
20Feb/098

A Lack of Distractions. An Abundance of Focus.

Since I've moved here, there has been a very dramatic change in my lifestyle that I have welcomed with open arms.

I am undistracted.
That may sound rather unremarkable to you, but it's actually quite amazing how much this has affected various aspects of my life in a positive way.
I'm far more focused than I used to be.  I don't feel the stress I used to feel from sensory overload. The TV, the news, the noise, the drama, the emotions.
I lead a far more active lifestyle.  I've stopped watching TV (yes, the pop culture fiend that you know doesn't really watch TV anymore).  I've become more observant.  I eat better.  I reflect.  I do things for myself.  I deal with things better.
The folks with whom I'm friends here are more serious about themselves, their mental health, their sanity. They don't put their social lives at the forefront of their existence. They don't tune into their television everyday. They don't go out every night. They don't have a million plans to keep themselves occupied at all times. They don't go away every weekend and they don't have a problem saying no when asked to do something social. They aren't afraid of having nothing to do. They appreciate their downtime and they take advantage of the opportunity to spend time with themselves.
There is a lot to be said about that.  I think the last four years I spent San Francisco was a social stress nightmare.  It got so bad at points, that in the last year I shut myself away in my apartment for months in a row and talked to practically nobody.  Then when my friends asked why I didn't hang out, they didn't realize it was because I was almost physically ill from feeling obligated to hang out.  Life isn't one big fucking binge of a party.  As with everything in this world, balance is the key to well-being.
To my American friends...try saying no once in a while.  In fact, trying saying 'no' more.  I think you'll find that all the white noise on the TV screen that is your sanity will disappear.
10Feb/090

A New Set of Eyes

So I'm getting into photography because what I need in my life is another hobby.  I'm being sarcastic.

Actually there is something very therapeutic about photography.  I find it fascinating.  You view the world around you through a lens and you render it in a way where it appears more beautiful after the fact than at the moment it occurs.
You freeze a moment of time in your life.
Photography is showing those you know how the world appeared through your eyes for a brief moment.  It's not as obscure as a painting you drew or a sculpture which can be so abstract it's tough for others to grasp.  It's a very accessible artform for just about anyone.
Most importantly, I find it to be very accessible to me.  I grab my camera and I feel simultaneously powerful yet very humble.  I feel like I have a canvas and I have the ultimate freedom to take a split second to paint that canvas.  I have infinite split seconds to paint infinite canvases.
I'm not a good or even an experienced photographer.  I took a class in high school and enjoyed it immensely.  It's one of the few things that I do, not because I'm good at it, but purely because I enjoy it.
My sister was the photographer.  She got it from my dad.  They're quieter, more private.  I sense that photography is their way of being extroverted for showing feelings.  For me, on the contrary, I think photography is my way of being more reflective, introverted, more personal.  It's my way of remembering what I really see from deep inside me and how I wish others would see what I see.
I have a lot of friends who are fantastic photographers.  Here are some of their Flickr pages:
Laura: http://flickr.com/photos/brunow/
Wilson: http://flickr.com/photos/wilson/
Chris: http://flickr.com/photos/chickennutbread/
Christopher: http://flickr.com/photos/chronoszero/
AJ: http://flickr.com/photos/zecktar/
Jeff: http://flickr.com/photos/troymccluresf/
I hope you guys don't mind my plugging your Flickr pages, but for the rest of you, I find them to be so talented, and I've been oggling some of their images non-stop for the last few weeks.
I have my own Flickr page too.  If you ever look to learn more about me through how I see the world, check it out.  http://flickr.com/photos/rommyghaly.
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